Tropical Island Paradise

2011, Chef Bruce

INGREDIENTS:

• bottle of Sprite
• broad beans
• chocolate finger biscuits
• pineapple
• margarine
• sour cream and onion crisps

METHOD:

In the final reckoning, not everything in paradise tasted good

Remove the broad beans from the shells and put into a pan of water. Cut the broad bean shells roughly to four-inch lengths and slice into thin strips. Add these to the pan and bring to the boil. Meanwhile, Open the crisps, remove about half of them, and introduce several of the breadsticks to the crisp packet. Holding the packet flat on a chopping board, pound the bag with a meat tenderiser until it forms a crumb mix. Cut the top off the pineapple and stand on one side of the serving plate.

Cut a large chunk of margarine and mould in your hands to make it pliable. Sculpt this into an "island" in the centre of the plate up against the pineapple. Coat this with the crumb mix. Construct a raft-like structure, including upstanding mast, next to the margarine island on the plate. Drain the beans and shell strips and arrange at the edge of the margarine to represent the shore and strands of seaweed. Finally, pour the Sprite into the plate to represent the sea. Serve immediately.

Andy: "That isn't normal. It looks like a sort of shoggoth made of margarine."

Al: "He uses the Chef Andrew technique, but with real rhythm."

Kath: (to Chef Andy) "How did you manage to eat that lump of margarine without throwing up?"

Andy: (replying to Chef Kath) "Because I ate a broad bean in Sprite immediately afterwards."