Marmalized Pork

Marmalized Pork Not Suitable For Vegetarians not suitable for vegetarians Biscuit Threat Low low biscuit injury risk


Marmalized Pork

Ingredients used in Marmalized Pork


  • a cabbage (maybe)
  • a tub of margarine (maybe)
  • boneless pork loin chop
  • home-bake butter croissants
  • wheat crispbread
  • golden shred marmalade
  • cornflakes
Sizzle, sizzle... Crispy-coated pork, gently marmalizing in the pan


Put all the margarine in a saucepan and heat to as hot a temperature as possible. Shred the cabbage and immerse in the warm margarine. Attempt to deep-fry until crispy. Panic. Think quickly. Slice the croissants and stick them in the toaster. Mash up the crispbread and cornflakes with the marmalade. Coat the pork with these and fry in a hot pan until thoroughly marmalized. Arrange the singed croissants on a plate and place the pork artistically on top. Serve. Dispense with the warm, slimy cabbage and margarine and somehow remove it from the image of the ingredients that was taken before you started cooking. Or maybe not*. And hope nobody notices.

*DISQUALIFICATION because of Chef Andrew not using all the ingredients originally selected is currently subject to appeal based on the fact that the cabbage and margarine was probably part of an entirely different year's competition - for which, conveniently, no evidence at all seems to exist (but plenty of theories do).

Andrew: "It wasn't my fault. I didn't mean to do it"

Andy: "This dish would undoubtedly have been enhanced by the addition of a side order of limp, warm, greasy cabbage"

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