Horny Little Leonine Ardennes Trilobites

Horny Little Leonine Ardennes Trilobites Not Suitable For Vegetarians not suitable for vegetarians Biscuit Threat Moderate moderate biscuit injury risk Chilli Warning 1 slightly spicy

2017, Chef Al

Horny Little Leonine Ardennes Trilobites

Ingredients used in Horny Little Leonine Ardennes Trilobites


  • large red pepper
  • jar of bramley apple sauce
  • Ardennes paté
  • chicken fajita spice mix
  • Galaxy chocolate counters
  • baby sweetcorn
  • Lion bar
  • Coca-Cola


Cut the red pepper in half and clear both halves of connecting membranes and seeds.

Scoop out a teaspoon of the apple sauce and generously line the inside of both halves of the pepper with it using the back of a teaspoon.

Fill each half of the pepper with Ardennes paté, taking care not to overflow the walls. Using a knife, spread the paté thickly but evenly on top of the apple sauce layer, doing your best to ignore the smell, and trying not think about the fact that the paté was cheaper than a tin of cat food.

Open the packet of fajita mix and sprinkle over the paté in a light dusting action. Then take the Galaxy counters and arrange them in a neat spine-like line along the centre of each pepper.

Trim the stalk end of the baby sweetcorn and arrange three of them upright in each pepper, with the pointy ends sticking out. Finally, cut the Lion bar in half and arrange this to resemble the front end of a Trilobite (as best possible in the circumstances, that is) slightly sticking out from the front.

Place under a hot grill for a few minutes until the 'horn' tips begin to char, the chocolate counters have started to melt, the Lion bar gains a lightly charred 'mane', and the paté has started to form a lovely shiny foam.

Serve with a large glass of Coke in the vain hope that this will take the taste away.

Chef Al: "I was striving for a unique mouthfeel combining the crunch of fresh vegetables with the luxurious silky smoothness of apple and chocolate infused paté, with a slight kick of chilli."

Chef Kath: "I agree it's a good job Chef Al brought his travelling weaponry with him. But this is shocking. The paté, in particular, is the most worst least good part of it all."

Chef Al: "I believe the paté, which cost 45p, is likely to have already been rejected by cat food manufacturers."

Chef Kirsty: "So truly horrible in oh so many ways."

Chef Andy: "This is the gateway dish to making people vegetarian."

Chef Al: "In fairness, I would say that this is possibly the worst tasting thing I have ever created."

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