The Ready, Steady, Chuck! Glossary of Terms

Many people writing in to Ready, Steady, Chuck! Headquarters are unfamiliar with some of the terms we regularly use. For clarity, a brief explanation of those troublesome words and phrases is provided here.

So close, but it was not to be A typical celebrity chefette dreams of what was only a finger of fudge away

astrospudologist: a scientist studying potatoes in an astronomical context, such as those working at the Cosmological Research Association for Potatoes.

bastardius: an ancient Roman tool used to dispense hot olive oil on bathers. An asbestos tube one cubit in length, the bastardius is the ancestor of the modern turkey baster.

battenburger: a burger made using Battenberg cake in place of a burger bun. See Fruity Vegetable Battenburgers

camp cake: a type of cake, meatloaf, or stodgy porridge made by Aussie Chefs in the outback from emergency ration biscuits, bush tucker, and roadkill, using a spatchler.

cardamon press: a kitchen utensil outwardly appearing very similar to a garlic crusher, but which is used to squash cardamon pods.

celebrity chef: while we acknowledge that pretty much anybody can be a celebrity these days, within these web pages this term is reserved to describe anyone who takes part in the Ready, Steady, Chuck! Challenge held not more than annually in Bangor, North Wales.

celebrity chefette: like a celebrity chef, but a girlie one.

cheesedrag: the propensity for cheese, or other food materials of similar consistency, to cling to blades during the process of being cut. The pizza wheel is a kitchen utensil that has been designed to minimise the risk of cheesedrag taking place.

chef: generally simply meaning "head of the kitchen", in accordance with the official rules, this term is applied to anyone who takes part in a Ready, Steady, Chuck! event. Also used as a verb to describe the action, or process, of cheffing.

Chilli Forecast Data

Today's Chilli Forecast


2,000-4,000 SHU

Low-Moderate. 6-7 mph.

Today's chilli forecast - brought to you exclusively by Ready, Steady, Chuck!

chefette: a girlie chef.

cheffery: the process by which chefs do their stuff in the kitchen. This can also be described as cheffing.

cheffiness: the quality possessed by all things cheffy. A term originally used, as far as can be determined, by Nigella - How to Eat (1998), p.145 (discussing rabbits, eating alone, and secret desires). Note that Ready, Steady, Chuck! now accepts Nigella's spelling of this word.

cheffy: adjectival form applied to the creativity, innovation and panache demonstrated by chefs while in the process of cheffing.

chilli forecasting: scientific measurement of daily spiciness. For further details see our chilli forecasting information page.

chilliologist: a chilli technologist. A specialist in the science of chilli forecasting.

chilliology: the science of chilli forecasting.

chilliometer: thermometer-like device shaped like a chilli, used for graphical illustration in chilli forecasting.

chunkie: a new form of drink that is related to the Australian smoothie but is chunkier in all respects. See Ready, Steady, Chuck!'s chunkies page for more details.

cook: an amateur chef.

curdling, controlled: a modern precision technocheffery technique only attempted by experienced chefs, during which immiscible ingredients are combined slowly so as to regulate the natural curdling process. For an example of this, see Chef Kath's 2011 creation Hal Al.

Chef Andy carefully prepares Fruittella julienne

de-reaming: the inverse process to reaming. Essentially, this is when a tool such as a citrus reamer is used to apply materials to an ingredient or dish, rather than to remove material from it. Example: de-reaming the porridge.

fibrovermicelli: a very thin pasta that is knitted into shapes prior to cooking.

French vegetarian: a person who eats substances not defined as meat in France, for example, vegetables, fruit, cheese, snails, chicken, pork, and most meat except English beef.

frugalista: Chef working on an exceptionally tight budget, quite likely also to be a revolutionary.

Gastronomicon, The: an ancient and forbidden text, rumoured to have been written by the Mad Arab Deli-al-Smith, containing dark, secret and non-Euclidean knowledge of food, drink, and Miracle Whip, with over 100 full colour photographs. No complete copies of this tome are known to exist, although its companion volume De Vermicelli Mysteriis is occasionally found in occult cookshops.

gobi scoop: see scoop, gobi

Grolschcake: a traditional Dutch cake made using strong lager with fruit, spices, chocolate or bacon, very similar to traditional English lagerbread, but served as a dessert.

Cake making, but not as we know it Strong lager will always add a certain je ne sais qoi to chocolate cake, and in dishes like Chewy Chocolate & Bacon Upside-Down Cake, a variation of traditional Grolschcake, it will also help to take some of the taste of bacon away.

inverse baked alaska technique: a technocheffery method that heats the inside of a dish and leaves the outside cold. Cooking directly from frozen using a microwave can achieve similar results. To achieve this effect when preparing small precision dishes such as pineapple inside-out cake and inverse profiteroles, many top chefs make use of a G.I.L.T..

julienne: a ponced-up word for cutting food into matchstick-sized pieces, as used when making Chewy Chocolate & Bacon Upside-Down Cake

klyteharpa: a coil-shaped musical instrument originating from Northern Europe, which is held high between the legs when playing. Performances of the klyteharpa are typically only seen on certain special occasions and at private parties, but the instrument has recently become popular at Scandinavian lap dancing clubs. For further information, see our exlusive interview with Chef Olga.

lagerbread: common English version of traditional Welsh dish laver bread. As discovered in Pavlova Sandwich Salad.

leavocarbonation: the process of using a fizzy drink as a leavening agent to cause a foaming action that lightens and softens the finished product.

MasterChuck! at Home: Ready, Steady, Chuck!'s free downloadable dinner party game.

microchefery: chefery, but applied on a very small scale, such as when creating mini-canapes. See Ready Steady Party Pieces

Fizzzz... An unmistakeable fizz: leavocarbonation of granary bread using fruit-flavoured spring water

microchefology: the science of microchefery.

microtechnochefery: technical microchefery.

mini-canapes: very small canapes.

Miracle Whip: a multi-function organic lubricant and de-lousing agent that can also be used as a substitute for mayonnaise. Many more interesting facts about Miracle Whip can be found here.

nanopasta: microscopically small pasta.

near-vegetarian: 1. a recipe which is almost, but not quite, suitable for vegetarians. This is probably because one of its ingredients is not suitable for vegetarians, for example, by being meat. 2. a vegetarian who eats meat. Not to be confused with the term French vegetarian above.

noritegami: the ancient Japanese art of crisp-arranging.

nu-nouvelle cuisine: the new new wave of food fashion that developed after people realised that post-nouvelle cuisine wasn't new enough.

Temple in the Mountains Noritegami: the ancient Japanese art of crisp arranging

orangraite: a sauce - more properly, a custard - made using an orange, or orange-flavoured, base. Orangraite is a practical alternative to vinaigrette for use on main courses and desserts as well as a salad dressing. Popular orangraites include those made with chocolate, broccoli and, especially in Wales, octopus. Orangraites may be served hot or cold. See Iced Samosas in Broccoli Cheese Orangraite

paté-ontology: the cheffy art of recreating fossilized dishes using paté. See Horny Little Leonine Ardennes Trilobites.

poncing up: what restaurants sometimes do to menus in order to confuse people. See our translation of a typical ponced up menu for an example.

post-nouvelle cuisine: the new wave of food fashion that developed after people realised that nouvelle cuisine wasn't nouvelle any more.

potato croquet: a traditional sport that originated on the dining tables of 17th Century France. not to be confused with potato croquettes.

pseudopasta: a material that is identical to pasta in all respects except by not being made from it.

ragout: ponced-up (see poncing up above) name for vegetable stew. Sometimes fruit.

reduction: an essential cheffing activity frequently seen during competitive Ready, Steady, Chuck!, usually during the process of making sauces, gravies or custards from ingredients such as fruit juice, red wine, or Tizer.

re-enchefment: re-enactment of historical cookery techniques or use of ancient kitchen utensils, for example, viking chefs hacking melons to pieces with an axe, or Mayan human sacrifice by way of ritual potato peeler.

restauranty: like they do in restaurants. Another one of Nigella's, as in "restauranty displays of food" (just a couple of lines above the "cheffiness" reference, see above).

restaurantyness: the quality of being like a restaurant. Typically applied as a comparative term to describe the degree to which non-commercial eating areas have been ponced up, as in the phrase "There's really not much restaurantiness about this place, is there?"

Good shot, sir! Games of potato croquet were important in the evolution of today's meat tenderisers

scanning electron pastry cutter (S.E.P.C.): a technical precision miniature pastry cutter used for the very smallest microcheffery applications.

Scrichfort Scale: comparative indicator system of spiciness used in chilli forecasting. See the Scrichfort Scale Table.

scoop, gobi: outwardly very similar to the melon baller, the gobi scoop is more versatile, designed, as its name implies, specifically for the purpose of scooping aloo gobi. Expect a detailed essential utensils article on the gobi scoop in the near future.

spatchler: more correctly, the antipodean spatchler. Outback kitchen utensil finding widespread use in Australian bush tucker cuisine.

spurtle: Scottish version of the spatchler, typically used to make porridge with.

squash-frying: An advanced cheffery method that combines the techniques of frying and squashing. Typically applied when cooking soft fruit, breakfast cereals or ice cream.

stockie: popular term used to describe a systaticophilist (see below); an ingredient spotter. Like a train spotter, but weirder, and likely to be an incurable condition.

sutekki-noriten: kitchen utensil better known in the west as the Japanese crisp-crusher.

systaticophilist: an ingredient-spotter; a stockie (see above); someone who hangs out in supermarkets spotting ingredients on the shelves and checking them off in a book of numbers with a marker pen. From the Greek systatikos (component), philos (love). A very sad person indeed.

tagliatelle: ribbons, usually pasta but occasionally made from plums.

Don't try this at home. Really, don't. Multiple technocheffery techniques are required when preparing Fruit Sushi With Wasabi Cheese Croquettes.

technocheffery: the application of innovative, non-traditional techniques, many of which are not normally encountered in the kitchen, to cheffy activities.

technomicrochefery: very small scale technochefery.

toast-lite: small-scale rapidly-prepared toast, for those times when you're in a hurry to have breakfast and a whole slice of bread is too much. Easily prepared using a G.I.L.T.

tombola: a formal process of assigning random ingredients, as applied when playing Ready, Steady, Chuck! EXPRESS.

Transylvanian hole-punch: a curious device related to the modern olive stoner, which is still used in traditional Eastern European kitchens for punching holes in garlic buds so that they can be made into necklaces that ward off vampires.

twist of lemon: a string of lemon zest cut from a lemon, typically using a zester, used to decorate cocktails such as martinis and gin & tonics. Also known as a lemon twist.

vegetable chunkie: a chunkie (see above) that only contains vegetables.

vegetarian: a person who only eats substances suitable for vegetarians, i.e. not meat. Not to be confused with the terms near vegetarian and French vegetarian (see above).

Signs And Symbols

Suitability For Vegetarians

suitable for vegetarians
nearly suitable for vegetarians. Such dishes may be suitable for near-vegetarians or French vegetarians, or may contain ingredients that might be meat flavoured but for which the actual meat content is questionable.
not suitable for vegetarians.

Biscuit Health & Safety Warnings

negligible health & safety risk from biscuit content. Such recipes typically do not contain biscuits.
moderate health & safety risk from biscuit content. Such recipes typically contain biscuits that fall into the "not risky" category, such as cereal bars. Formal risk assessment is not normally necessary.
high health & safety risk from biscuit content. Such recipes typically contain biscuits listed as "risky", such as those that are crumbly, tough, or which tend to fragment readily. Just to be on the safe side, full risk assessment is recommended prior to preparation.

Chilli Warnings

Minor chilli content. Such dishes may contain ingredients sufficiently spicy to make the dish taste "slightly spicy".
Moderate chilli content. Such dishes have sufficient appreciable chilli heat for them to be described as "hot".
High chilli content. Such dishes are extremely hot and should be handled with care, especially if they are to be eaten.
Extreme chilli content. All such dishes are dangerous and some may achieve levels of chilli heat rated as "apocalyptically hot". For health & safety reasons, such dishes are best considered not fit for human consumption.

Miracle Whip Warning

Do not eat this dish. It contains a substance that is not a food item and which may cause revulsion, nausea, vomiting, and probably many far worse effects.